Learning of Alec
by infie
Summary: *complete* Alec tries to deal with the loss of his friend. (M/A) Please R&R -language
1. Sorrows to Drown

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them?  
  
  
Learning of Alec  
----------------  
- infie  
  
(Thursday)  
  
Max watched Alec surreptitiously from across the expanse of Crash's main room. He was   
sitting alone at the bar, knocking back Scotch after Scotch. His shoulders   
hunched in just a little, straining the leather of his jacket, and his hair looked   
unruly, as if he'd been running his hands through it, over and over. She could see his eyes  
restlessly scanning the room through the mirror as he flipped a small white badge  
between his fingers, rubbing against the plastic as if attempting to wear off the words.   
As he raised the glass to his lips for the umpteenth time, she saw his hand shake ever so   
slightly. It wrenched her heart to see him tremble, to see him look so tightly coiled, so  
... defeated.  
  
Max's mouth tightened as she rose abruptly and made her way over to him. He caught sight of   
her in the mirror and froze half-way through a swallow, choking slightly. He turned on his  
chair and offered her a big, bright, false smile. "Hey, Max! How you doing?" Suddenly his   
face went tight. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, no, everyone is fine." Max reassured him quickly. "Except you."  
  
Just like that, Alec's eyes shuttered. "I'm all right."  
  
"Uh huh." Max glared at him challengingly. "I don't think so. What are you moping around  
about?"  
  
"Max, I'm fine!" Alec grinned at her again. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Alec..."  
  
"No, Max. Enough." Alec brusquely waved her off as he reached for his wallet and removed  
enough to pay for his drinks. As he slapped the money onto the bar, the white badge  
fell to the floor. He bent to retreive it, but Max was quicker.  
  
"Jam Pony Messenger. Real fascinating, Alec. I can see why it had you so absorbed." Max   
taunted as he tried to take it from her. "John Biggs..." her voice trailed off as the name  
on the badge registered and her heart sank. Alec took it from her suddenly nerveless grasp,   
shoving it roughly into his wallet. "Alec, I'm.."  
  
"Save it." Alec's face and eyes were starkly beautiful in the light of the bar, as blank as   
if carved of marble. He pointed to the side, seemingly at random. "You." his voice was   
warm, his eyes never wavering from Max's. "Come home with me."  
  
Max blinked, then turned her head to see where he was pointing. A slim blonde was smiling,   
half in disbelief that he had chosen her. She started towards Alec, an extra sway in her  
walk as she approached. Her voice was a husky contralto. "Any time, gorgeous." she   
plastered herself against his chest. The arm Alec had used to point curled around her  
shoulders. Alec's gaze had never left Max.  
  
"See you later, Max." he left.  
  
Max, frozen, watched him leave. 


	2. Biggs Spills

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? Maybe just one? I know the one I want.....  
  
Learning of Alec - Ch 2  
----------------  
-infie  
  
RECAP  
  
(Thursday...)  
  
  
The arm Alec had used to point curled around the blonde's shoulders  
shoulders. Alec's gaze had never left Max.  
  
"See you later, Max." he left.  
  
Max, frozen, watched him leave.  
  
  
***  
  
(Two weeks earlier)  
  
When Biggs strode into Crash, no one noticed. He smiled contentedly, secure in normalcy  
as his eyes surveyed the room warmly. His gaze lit on his newest friends, and his smile  
grew into a grin as he hurried across the crowded room to greet them.  
  
"Max, OC, CeCe." he nodded at the women first, then shook the hands of the men at the   
table. "Logan, Sketchy."  
  
"Hey Biggs." Sketchy clapped him on one leather-clad shoulder. "Just in time to buy a pitcher, my man."  
  
Biggs shrugged. "Considering that it's all your money, I don't mind." The others laughed  
as Sketchy's face fell.  
  
"You should take up some other game, Sketchy." Logan told him with a grin. "Like bowling."  
  
"Nah." Sketchy flapped his hand at Logan. "The balls are too big."  
  
The crowd roared at that one. OC shook her head sadly. "Sketch, you are a walking straight  
line."  
  
"Save me then. Let's try foosball."  
  
Biggs and Max laughed as Logan allowed himself to be dragged off to officiate the game.   
They smiled at each other in shared amusement and poured themselves fresh beer.  
  
Alec skipped fluidly down the steps to the main room, and the hum of feminine voices in the  
bar suddenly decreased as the women in the bar held their breath. A soft but   
noticeable multi-voiced groan could just be heard as Alec reached the bar and bent over to   
pick up a dropped glass for the bartender, snug black jeans hugging all the best places. Slowly the   
hubub returned to its original level, but Biggs could see several women who kept their   
attention on his friend, while most of the others contented themselves with sideways   
glances. A few of the bravest made their way to the bar, 'accidentally' bumping into Alec,   
who always smiled politely and sent them on their way with easy charm, though not without an   
appreciative glance or two of his own. Biggs laughed to himself. Max snorted,   
drawing his attention to her.  
  
"I wonder which one he's planning on taking home." she mused, eyes suspiciously bright as she played   
with her glass.  
  
"None of 'em." Biggs stated firmly. "He's got duty tommorrow."  
  
Max laughed. "Like that's ever stopped him."  
  
Biggs smiled in return, but this one didn't reach his eyes. "I'm not sure why you're so hard  
on him, Max. He's been nothing but good to you. And, he hasn't been chasing the ladies for  
months."  
  
"Look, Biggs, Alec needs me to keep him in line. And what makes you think he's gone all monk on  
us?"  
  
"He told me." Biggs looked at her levelly. "And Alec can take care of himself, Max. You're not  
his keeper." His mouth quirked. "Though you give a damned good imitation."  
  
"I don't know where you get your info, Biggs, but believe me, I know Alec and..."  
  
"You don't know shit." Biggs was suddenly, intimidatingly angry. "You don't know Alec *at all*."  
  
Max moved back slightly, staring up at him. "Then take a seat and educate me, soldier boy."  
  
Biggs considered a moment, then nodded curtly and drew up a stool. "All right. You should know   
who you're working with. Any of *us*..." and his emphasis made clear that she wasn't one of 'us',   
"Any of *us* know 494, cause we were there."  
  
"At Manticore." Max said, sarcasm lacing her voice. "I was *at* Manticore..."  
  
"Alec was our CO." Biggs interrupted, and smiled grimly at Max's surprise. "God, we worshipped him.   
He was so good to us, fast, strong. The best fighter. And so *smart*... it was almost scary, the   
way he was always thinking three steps ahead of the rest of us. Of course, we didn't care. We   
thought he was one step below God, and if he was three moves ahead of us, then that kept us all   
ahead of Lydecker's games. He protected us, Max No matter what it took, he made sure that we  
were safe." Max nodded, thinking of Zach. Then Biggs' eyes grew cold. "He was my CO my whole   
life. Until '09."  
  
Biggs stopped, face dark. He took a deep pull on his beer, and his gaze shifted to Alec at the bar.   
"When your unit escaped, it was like a bomb went off in Manticore. We were under complete lockdown for   
months, and the operational tempo was tripled. I'm sure you remember, " It was Biggs' turn for   
sarcasm, "Our training had been harsh to start with, but after you left, good old Deck decided that   
he'd been too easy on us. That if we had enough time and energy to consider escape, then   
obviously we weren't spending enough time on soldiering."   
  
Max was silent, her eyes liquid with sympathy, and Biggs returned to staring at Alec. "It was hell   
for us. And the worst thing was that they took 494 from us. Our greatest asset, our protector,   
our commander. They took him away." Biggs took a deep breath. "But we had it easy, compared   
to what they put him through, 452." His voice took on the warm edge of deeply held anger. "He   
would never talk about it, of course, but we still found out what they did to the clones; the medical  
experiments, the surgeries, the tests. It was twice as bad again for 494, though, because he   
wasn't a clone. No, he was a twin, a real twin, and they kept him in the labs for *two years* trying   
to pinpoint the flaw in his code that could allow 493 - someone who was once the *same person*,   
to turn traitor. They took him apart in pieces, broke his body, tortured him..." Biggs choked to a stop.  
  
Max reached across the table and rested her fingers against his arm, tears standing out in her  
eyes. Biggs shook her off gently, continuing hoarsely. "When they gave him back to us, he was   
different. Oh, he was the same on the outside, but in his eyes... in his eyes he was gone from us.  
And he *knew* that they had given him back to us to show us what happens to traitors, to show us  
that we could be broken." Biggs clenched his hands. "He only mentioned it once, when he refused   
be our CO again. He told us that he couldn't be responsible for us anymore, because if they took  
him again he might not be able to hold out."  
  
Max was spellbound. "He didn't break, then."  
  
Biggs shook his head. "No. But he also wasn't whole anymore, Max. There was something missing.  
494 volunteered for solo missions as soon as he regained his grade. He never worked as a part of   
a unit again, except as an attached solo specialist. Of course, he excelled. Best assassin  
Manticore ever built; no nerves at all. He was proud of his record, and even started to live a little,   
like the first time he and I were sent out together... Volkovich or something." he smiled at the memory.  
"And over time, Manticore   
decided that 494 was a perfect, loyal subject. Then came the Berrisford mission." Max nodded faintly,   
and Biggs nodded with her. "Yeah, that one. Christ, the shitstorm that came down when 494 failed   
the mission was unbelievable. I was out on another mission in Jordan, but when I got back they told   
me that he'd been taken again. And that this time they were really pissed. He was in Psy Ops for months,   
and when he came out, Max..." Biggs ran his hand through his hair. "He just didn't care anymore.  
About *anything*. I'd see flickers of life, sometimes, and mostly he was bright and shiny and fun,   
but behind his eyes was just empty. It killed us to see him like that. But he was still the man  
with the plan, working the angles, rebuilding his reputation. Berrisford and everything that   
happened there was all gone, wiped away."   
  
"And then, as if all of that wasn't enough, 493 resurfaced."  
  
Max's face froze at the mention of her beautiful, crazed brother. "Ben. His name was Ben."  
  
Biggs made a bitter noise. "Sad, psychotic Ben. 494-minus-1. And *that* meant that it was time to go   
back to Psy Ops. When they came to get him, he didn't even struggle. They took him apart all   
over again, from the inside out, mind and body. But this time, when he came back, he was the same   
as the last time, bright, shiny,...empty. It was like they'd already sucked everything out,   
so there was nothing more to give up to them."  
  
Biggs stopped, drank. "What happened next?" Max leaned forward.  
  
"You're next, Max. He was assigned to you; told to make you pregnant, told to follow you home. And  
he followed orders. But only to a point, right Max? He refused to rape you, refused to hurt you.  
You know most of the rest. The women, the fighting, the stealing... it had nothing to do with   
trouble making, Max, and everything to do with finding the 'Alec' underneath the '494'. He needed to do   
all of those things to *feel* something, anything. And then he discovered that he had a unit again,  
and that maybe he didn't need to take those risks to feel alive anymore. Maybe just living was  
enough. But 494 is still under there. I worry sometimes..."  
  
Biggs stopped, closing his mouth firmly. "Anyway, that's who your second is. A hell of a lot better than  
you deserve, believe me. Those of us X-series who are here, are following *him*, Max. His support is why  
you're leading us. And you'd better start treating him better, or you'll lose us all." he shook himself  
violently. "Christ, it's good to see him with life in his face again." Biggs grinned at Max, shedding   
his grim mood.  
  
Max smiled back at him, still processing what she'd been told. "You said that 494 was the best  
fighter, but I've beaten Alec every time I've gone against him."  
  
Biggs laughed out loud. "Alec has never tried to fight you, Max. Even that cage fight, when he   
actually got pissed off for a second. He's only ever defended himself, and even then, with the   
minimum of force. I was there, in the crowd." A grin crossed his features. "Christ, before   
you pouched him, he was laughing at you!"  
  
"But not so much afterwards." Max looked at him consideringly. "I don't know,   
Biggs. Alec..."  
  
"Hey guys!" Alec dropped a hand on Max's shoulder and high-fived Biggs with the other.  
"What're you so serious about?"  
  
Biggs and Max exchanged a quick glance. "We were just talking about Max's brothers, Alec. She   
wanted to know if I'd seen any of them since I've been out."  
  
"Uh huh." Alec didn't look convinced. "That's strange. I'm sure I heard my name. And, Max,  
whatever else I am to you..." his voice grew lower, intimate, and he leaned over so that his  
mouth was against her ear. "I am NOT your brother." His breath wafted warmly against the sensitive  
skin of her ear, making her shiver and Alec laugh low in his chest. Biggs snickered, and someone  
cleared their throat loudly. 


	3. 494 Returns

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them?  
  
  
Learning of Alec - Ch 3.  
----------------  
- infie  
  
RECAP  
*******  
(Two weeks ago)  
  
Biggs and Max exchanged a quick glance. "We were just talking about Max's brothers, Alec. She   
wanted to know if I'd seen any of them since I've been out."  
  
"Uh huh." Alec didn't look convinced. "That's strange. I'm sure I heard my name. And, Max,  
whatever else I am to you..." his voice grew lower, intimate, and he leaned over so that his  
mouth was against her ear. "I am NOT your brother." His breath wafted warmly against the sensitive  
skin of her ear, making her shiver and Alec laugh low in his chest. Biggs snickered, and someone  
cleared their throat loudly.  
********  
  
"Logan! Hey buddy." Alec neatly snagged the seat beside Max and smiled up at Max's.. er.. boyfriend..   
brightly. He slung an arm across the back of Max's chair, not missing the flare of angry heat in  
the other man's eyes. His grin widened, and Biggs shook his head in amusement, gaze meeting Max's.  
She nodded at him, and raised her glass, with her other hand making the sign for 'message  
received."  
  
***  
  
(Thursday)  
  
Max paused outside the door to Alec's apartment, one hand on the knob, forehead leaning against  
the cool wood. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then straightened and opened the  
door gently. She eased inside and closed the door behind her, stepping into the room and stopping.  
The lights were out, the only lessening of the darkness a dim sliver glow through the grimy window panes,  
from the full moon outside. Alec was a silhouette leaning against the wall near the window looking out,   
so still he looked unreal in the darkness. The blonde was in his armchair, nude and sulking.  
  
"What kind of kinky shit is this?" she demanded shrilly. "First you invite me over, then you tell  
me to strip, then you ignore me, *then* you invite the ice queen over? You're cute, but you ain't   
worth this."  
  
Alec's voice came out of the darkness, curt and cold. "Get dressed. Beat it."  
  
The blonde rose on unsteady feet and gathered her clothes with what dignity she could muster.  
"You're a freak, you know that?"  
  
Max jumped at the cold bitterness of Alec's laugh. "Better than you do, lady. Get out."  
  
The blonde fled, slamming the door after her.  
  
Alec tilted his head, still looking out the window, slouched against the wall. He had removed his   
shirt, and the faint light danced in splinters over the muscled curve of his bare shoulders. Max   
could just barely see the line of his belt where his snug black jeans began at his tight waist. The   
blonde, with her normal vision, must have been all but blind in this cloaking darkness. "Why are you here,  
Max? I told you I was all right."  
  
"You aren't all right, Alec. Biggs has been murdered, and he was your friend." Alec made a small,  
choked noise. "More importantly, Alec, he was in your unit. Christ, he was your brother."  
Max closed the distance between them in three long steps, placing her hands on his upper arms, and   
leaning her forehead against the taut, smooth skin of his back. His heat warmed her immediately.  
"You cared for him."  
  
Alec shook her off and spun away from her too quickly to see, ending up on the other side of   
the room, back against the wall. Slowly he slid down until he was sitting with his knees up.   
A sliver of light from a scrape in the grimy window slanted across his eyes, making them look feral  
with his rage. "I was his commander. I was supposed to take care of him." he slammed his   
head back against the wall, cracking the plaster and making Max jump. "I was supposed to protect   
him. At the very least, I was supposed to *avenge* him." his voice was bitterly angry,   
and Max fought the urge to go to him. "And I couldn't even do that. I had the bastard *in my   
hands*, and I had to let him go. Cause there are so many others to protect, and I couldn't risk them."  
  
"You made the right choice, Alec. You know how the public would have reacted if normals got   
killed by transgenics, no matter how justified it was. It was the right choice."  
  
"It was a betrayal." Alec replied tonelessly. "He trusted me."  
  
"He loved you, Alec." Max barely noticed the tears on her cheeks. "But it was still the right  
choice."  
  
"God." Alec choked out, clenching his fists against the jean fabric straining at his thighs.   
"God. How can you stand it?"  
  
Max knelt beside him. "I cry on the Space Needle." she admitted honestly. "And I lash out at the   
people around me; especially the ones I trust the most."  
  
Alec turned his head to look at her. The light moved across the planes of his face, outlining the   
pain there in stark relief. "I know another way," he said, taking a deep breath and relaxing his whole   
body. Max watched in horror as the humanity leaked out out of his eyes drop by drop. She could see   
him walling off his emotions brick by brick, until his face and eyes were perfectly blank. When he smiled   
at her brightly it was almost obscene. "See? All gone."  
  
"Alec.." Now she did reach out, tentatively, and to touch his cheek. He just stared at her with those  
cold, expressionless eyes, and faint smile, and she knew that her Alec was gone. *This* was X5-494,   
and she suddenly knew with an absolute certainty that all of the stories she had discounted about   
his prowess and efficiency as a soldier were truth. "Alec, what have you done?"  
  
"I made it all OK, Max." he replied calmly. "I'm all right, now."  
  
"Shutting it all away isn't the answer." Max spoke slowly, intensely. Alec reached up and took her hand  
away from his cheek, holding it gently in his own. His thumb absently stroked across her palm, sending an   
electric shiver up her arm. Involuntarily she gasped as her body tightened, and his eyes darkened in   
response. His smile widened knowingly, and he repeated the caress lightly, laughing quietly when her eyes  
closed.  
  
"Why are you really here, Max?" he asked softly, raising his other hand to trail the tips of his fingers  
down the inside of her captive forearm. He raised her hand to his lips to nip her fingertips with even  
white teeth. "Is this what you wanted?" 


	4. Chemistry 101

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? I have one in mind....  
Rating - For the NC-17 version, check out NWP.  
  
  
Learning of Alec - Ch 4.  
----------------  
- infie  
  
RECAP  
*******  
(Thursday....)  
  
"Why are you really here, Max?" he asked softly, raising his other hand to trail the tips of his fingers  
down the inside of her captive forearm. He raised her hand to his lips to nip her fingertips with even  
white teeth. "It's been a long time for us. Is this what you wanted?"  
  
*******  
  
Max shuddered again and moaned despite herself. Alec released her and rose, turning on a lamp as   
he did so. The sudden flare of light made Max squint and raise her hand to shade her eyes. When she  
opened them again he was standing directly in front of her, looking down at her impassively. He trailed   
one of his hands across his bare chest, rubbing his thumb over his nipple, then down the expanse   
of his ribs to play with the hair of his abdomen when it disappeared into the line of his jeans. Max   
watched his hand avidly and she licked her lips. Alec tipped her face up to meet his eyes, and she saw  
the dark knowledge there; that he knew exactly the effect he had on her and was using it ruthlessly.  
  
"Is this what you want, Max?" he asked again, running his hand caressingly over the snug material of   
the front of his pants.  
  
Max closed her eyes. That this new, distant Alec was just as intoxicating as the one she was used to   
was disturbing. "This wasn't what I had in mind. I wanted to help."  
  
"Oh, you can help." Alec's voice was rich with amusement, and she heard the soft rustle of his jeans   
as he moved a little closer. She could feel the heat of his body against her cheek, millimetres away.  
When she breathed she could feel the puff of air reflect off the fabric. She could smell his scent  
tantalizingly close. "Just take what you want."   
  
Surely the chemistry between them would break down Alec's walls and let her back in. With that   
thought, Max's resolve broke. She groaned faintly and leaned forward, closing the remaining space   
between them.   
  
***  
  
  
Half an hour later, Max slowly returned to earth, relaxing one tight muscle at a time and running her   
hands carressingly across Alec's shoulders. "Oh." she murmured,  
satiated. "That was wonderful." He withdrew his hand and zipped her up, raising himself off of her hips.  
She opened her eyes and looked up at him for the first time since he had knelt in front of her,   
and recoiled. Alec was smiling at her, but his face was still. He looked completely unmoved, even  
his breathing was still even and controlled. Only the extra fullness of his lower lip where she bit him  
showed evidence of their activity, and as she stared he licked away the small drop of blood from it. His   
eyes were as empty as a doll's, and Max knew that it was still 494 looking out at her from them. His   
voice was smooth and amused as he nodded at her.  
  
"Thanks for your help, Max. Stay as long as you'd like." Alec rose fluidly and grabbed his shirt off the   
back of the armchair, pulling it on over his head and moving to draw on his shoes. Max felt the first   
a burst of humiliation that he had played her senses so effortlessly.  
  
"You bastard." she breathed.   
  
He quirked his lips at her in response. "What did you expect? You wanted to help, and I gave you what you   
wanted, Max. I even asked first, remember?"  
  
She blushed, remembering her uninhibited rsponse to his invitation. The fact that he hadn't taken   
anything for himself made it even worse. Anger surfaced, along with the   
first stirrings of fear. What if she coudn't get him back?  
  
Alec strode over to the door, pulling on his grey leather jacket as he went.  
  
"Look, I've gotta go. But like I said, you're welcome to stay a while. Drink a beer, watch some TV." he  
grinned at her tightly. "Maybe you can help me some more when I get back."   
  
The door closed softly behind him.  
  
*** 


	5. Seeking the Answer

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then?  
  
[A/N] Thanks for all the great feedback! I do want to clarify one thing about   
CH 4: I don't think that Alec was intentionally trying to humiliate Max. I think  
he was just trying to distract her and push her away, and took the fastest and most   
expedient route to do that in true soldier fashion. Also, I hate to admit it, but I   
haven't read "Manticore" by Jonty. Now I have to go find it! Anyway; back to our story...  
  
  
  
  
Learning of Alec - Ch 5.  
----------------  
- infie  
  
RECAP  
*******  
(Thursday....)  
  
  
  
"Look, I've gotta go. But like I said, you're welcome to stay a while. Drink a beer, watch some TV." Alec  
grinned at her tightly. "Maybe you can help me some more when I get back."   
  
The door closed softly behind him.  
  
***  
  
(Friday)  
  
Max headed over to Logan's right after work. Her head was throbbing, and she'd had no sleep the night before  
from brooding about Alec (494, her mind corrected darkly). 494 had been at work today, smiling, laughing,  
teasing Normal, but the missing element was evident, at least to her. CeCe had been run into him as he   
headed out on his fourth run of the day, and had paled after getting a good look at him. Her shoulders had   
straightened and her hand had twitched, an involuntary urge to salute, Max guessed. Alec had shot her   
a quelling look and strode out the door. She had slanted Max a worried look, but turned away to talk   
to a couple of the other X-5's instead. {More of 'us'.} Max had thought to herself.   
  
She had approached CeCe as soon as Alec had left. "CeCe. Did you notice anything... strange about Alec?"  
  
"No." CeCe responded cooly. "He's the same as he's always been."  
  
Max's blood froze. "That's what I was afraid of."  
  
CeCe looked at her consideringly. "So, what did you do to him?"  
  
"What?" Max was genuinely startled. "Nothing. I tried to help him out... Biggs..."  
  
CeCe nodded in understanding. "Biggs was his second. I can see how he'd take that hard."  
  
"Alec also had to let the men who killed him go." Max's lips compressed with anger. "Couldn't afford  
to kill any normals..."  
  
"That explains a lot." CeCe's face was grave. "494 was never good at shirking his repsonsibilities.  
And, I have to tell you, Max, that the man that walked out the door a minute ago was, without a doubt, 494."  
  
"I know." Max tried to sound offhand. "I'm hoping he'll get over it in a couple of weeks."  
  
CeCe shook her head. "Yeah. We hoped that too, in '11." she left.  
  
***  
  
Logan leaned back in his computer chair, spiky hair standing up at all angles and the light from his monitors  
reflecting off his glasses.  
  
"I don't know how to help you, Max." he rubbed a hand across tired eyes. "It's a conscious decision on his  
part."  
  
Max sat down as if she were a puppet whose strings had been cut. "Conscious?" she echoed faintly.  
  
Logan sighed heavily. "Selective sociopathology." When Max just stared at him uncomprehendingly, he sighed   
again.  
  
"Essentially, a person who can turn on and off their emotions, virtually at will. It's pretty common among   
career spooks. From what you described, and what you told me about his background, it makes the most sense."   
He leaned forard, eyes earnest. "For someone to be an assassin, I mean a *really* good one, they need to be   
able to blend in and project a normal, feeling person, even as they plan a murder. The very best   
ones are in fact completely normal; they honestly feel emotional pain, empathy, sympathy, love, anger. But   
then, when they need to concentrate to make the kill, all of that goes away. Their focus precludes emotion."  
  
Max narrowed her eyes. "You make it sound like multiple personality, or something crazy."  
  
"It's not." Logan said definitively. "It was originally identified as a coping mechanism employed by   
emotionally abused kids. Some kids would develop entire personalities to manage their overload; multiple   
personality disorder. Others would simply wall it off, shut it away where it couldn't affect them emotionally,   
couldn't get in the way of the operation of their mind. Military training for undercover and assassination   
missions specifically encourages this coping mechanism. Frankly, everyone I've met from Manticore has demonstrated this   
capability to a certain extent."  
  
Max stood and paced angrily. "It sounds like exactly what Lydecker was aiming for. The perfect soldier, can   
fit in anywhere, can kill without thinking twice."  
  
"Sounds like your Alec, all right." some of his old bitterness leaked into his tone. He flushed at Max's   
stricken look, cleared his throat, and continued. "The difference here   
is that Alec has chosen to retreat behind his walls because he can't deal with his guilt."  
  
"He decided that it was better to be numb inside than to feel all that pain." Max nodded, her gut clenching.  
"But why now? Biggs isn't the first person Alec's lost. Or even the most important to him." her mind slid   
to Rachel.  
  
"I think the past caught up with him, Max." Logan sounded reluctantly symapathetic. "You told me Biggs   
said that Alec had found his unit again, his family. Think of how you felt when Tinga died; or Ben. Or  
Zach."  
  
**{'God', Alec choked out, 'God, how can you stand it?'}**  
  
"I had ten years of learning to be normal." Max murmured softly. "He's only had a few months."  
  
"More than just that, Max. You spent all of that time fighting to retain your humanity; to nurture it. Alec's been   
taught to seek numbness as a refuge. Every other time he's been in pain, Manticore drove him inside himself   
and told him that it would make him all better." Logan sounded grave. "It's always worked before."  
  
**{Alec turned his head to look at her. 'I know another way,' he said.}**  
  
"Shit." Max swore, with feeling. "Now what?"  
  
"Break through the wall, Max. Otherwise, for all intents and purposes, Alec is gone."  
  
  
*** 


	6. Laying Down the Plan

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then?  
  
  
  
Learning of Alec - Ch 6.  
----------------  
- infie  
  
RECAP  
*******  
  
(Friday)  
  
"Shit." Max swore, with feeling. "Now what?"  
  
"Break through the wall, Max. Otherwise, for all intents and purposes, Alec is gone."  
  
********  
  
Max slammed her hand into the wall will all the force her genetically enhanced body could produce.   
Obligingly, the wall cracked with a satisfying alacrity.  
  
"Argh. He has got to be the most stubborn, pig headed, annoying..." she raged.  
  
"...Loyal, smart, ... *sexy* male..." Original Cindy finished for her. "Worth all the trouble, I'm thinkin."  
  
"Well, yeah." Max admitted with a frustrated sigh. "But damn it. I've tried joking with him, smacking   
him, talking to him... and I get all the right reactions but no substance." She thought back to her day   
of trying to get through to him. "It's like beating my head against a cotton wall. No matter how long I   
do it, I don't make an impression. And I feel like I'm running out of time."  
  
"Don't you think you're maybe taking this a little too seriously, Boo? I mean, he went   
all weird before..." OC waggled her hands vaguely, then shrugged. "He got over that   
one pretty quick, all told."  
  
**{'I don't want your pity.' Alec stabbed a finger at her fiercely. 'I want your absence'}**  
  
Max nodded thoughtfully, flopping onto their sofa. "Yeah. But at least that time he was angry,   
enough to be fighting back. He wasn't all spooky. This time... I dunno. It's different."  
  
OC tilted her head, taking a sip from the coffee mug held cupped in her hands. "Maybe your boy just   
needs some time."  
  
"Maybe." Max didn't sound convinced. She closed her eyes in exasperation. "I don't think so. I think  
he decided that this was just too hard."  
  
"Or," OC's smile turned wicked. "Maybe you should just strip off and... get his attention in other   
ways."  
  
Max blushed hotly, and OC's eyes widened as she laughed in delight. "So you tried that already, and...?"  
  
"Nothing." OC raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Max corrected herself. "OK, so... something. But not a   
breakthrough."  
  
"Jesus. He is one tough oreo to be resisting my boo."   
  
Max shrugged. "I wasn't paying too much attention during... anyway, there might have been something.  
Not enough, though."  
  
"All right." Original Cindy nodded decisively. "If sweetness doesn't work, and sex doesn't work, then  
there's only one answer."  
  
Max waited in anticipation at the unholy glee in her best friend's voice.  
  
"You gotta go make hot boy mad."   
  
* * * *  
  
(Saturday - Terminal City)  
  
"Oh, yeah, that should be easy." Mole's cigar bobbed as he spoke wryly, punctuating each word. "'Cause, you   
know, 494's got such a terrible temper on him."  
  
"I have some ideas of how to get *Alec* pissed off," Max stressed the name pointedly. "I've got that part   
covered. I just need you to deal with *your* part of the mission."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. God knows you piss me off easily enough." Mole considered a moment, chewing his cigar absently.   
"I think I've got just the ticket for you. And, we should be able to find everything you need. Six of us should be   
enough. What's your timeframe?"   
  
"Tommorrow." Max replied firmly. "This 'Alec as Ken doll' routine is getting old *really* fast."  
  
Mole frowned. "Ken doll?"  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
"Look, Max, are you sure you know what you're doing? All accounts are that 494 is not someone you really   
wanna mess with." Dix piped up anxiously. Max patted his arm reassuringly.  
  
"Don't worry, Dix. You just get me what I need, and I'll take care of the rest."  
  
*** 


	7. Tag, the Hard Way

Learning of Alec 

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then?

A/N: I have got to say that I had a blast writing this chapter. I love to watch Alec/494 do his stuff, even if it's only in my own head. =)

Learning of Alec - Chapter 7 - infie 

* * *

RECAP 

**_(Saturday - Terminal City)_**

"Look, Max, are you sure you know what you're doing? All accounts are that 494 is not someone you really wanna mess with." Dix piped up anxiously. Max patted his arm reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Dix. You just get me what I need, and I'll take care of the rest." 

* * *

**_(Sunday)_**

Max caught up to 494 outside his apartment. He was facing away from her, priming his motorcycle, getting ready to head out, and she paused a moment to appreciate the quality of the view as he leaned forward for the leverage to start the powerful engine. The muscles in his buttocks and legs bunched as he kicked the start once... twice... the engine caught with a throaty roar and 494 sat back in the seat, obscuring Max's view. With an internal regretful sigh she finished approaching and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What do you want, Max?" he shouted over the sound of the revving motor, not turning his head toward her. She realized with embarassment that he had seen her coming in the mirror, and that he had observed her checking him out. "I don't really feel like being your sacrificial lamb today, thanks. And I'm all outta help for you."

Max's stomach felt light with nerves. She shoved her hands into the deep pockets of her jacket. "Easy, or hard?" she said loudly. 

This time he turned his head to look at her directly. His empty eyes made her stomach drop again, just as they had every time she saw them. He reached forward and turned off the engine. The sudden silence was deafening. "What?"

"Easy, or hard. It's a simple question." Max's hands were sweating, and she took a quick look around them, hiding her survey of the area under the cover of twitching her hair away from her eyes. Everyone was in position. 494 flashed her a cocky grin so like Alec's normal expression that it made her heart twist, but it was still a shadow of his usual vibrant vitality.

"Now there's an invitation if I ever heard one. Please tell me you're about to get naked."

"Nah." 

494's head whipped around as Mole swiveled out from behind a nearby car, shotgun in hand. All of the humour drained instantly out of his face, matching the stillness of his eyes. His voice was icy cold. "What the fuck is going on here, Max?" Two more transgenics, a spotted feline known as Spot and a black panther called Yule showed themselves, and 494's whole body tensed with that unnaturally calm look that only professional soldiers really master. He turned his head slowly, warily, back to meet Max's serene gaze, noting another three trannies, Bat, Greb, and Kyle, coming up on his left flank. Max flinched a little when his eyes met hers, then straightened defiantly. "Max." his voice was a whipcrack, and a couple of the support team shuffled their feet and exchanged nervous glances. 494 softened his tone to a low, dark rumble. In that moment, he looked like a profoundly dangerous man. "Perhaps you should explain yourself."

"You're going to come with us, now." Max told him baldly. "You can make it easy, or you can make it hard, but you _will_ be coming with us."

494 bared his teeth at her in a fierce grin. "Oh, I don't think so, Maxie my love." Suddenly he moved, diving sideways off his bike and rolling fluidly to his feet. He reached Spot in two long strides and dropped him with a single punch that started at the ground and ended two inches past Spot's head. Spot fell like a rag doll, and 494 threw a spin kick at Yule's midsection. Yule overcame his shock in time to block the kick and replied with a wicked backhand. 494 sank to one knee, ducking Yule's arm, and drove his right fist twice into Yule's short ribs, lifting him off his feet with the power behind each strike. He followed up with a left roundhouse to the jaw that felled Yule like a sack of wet laundry. 

"Shit!" Max vaulted the bike even as Spot collapsed and waved the others forward. She had known he would resist, of course, but she hadn't expected this fast, coldly efficient dismantling of her support. Alec had always liked to draw out his fights with the trangenics, enjoying the challenge of fighting his equals in strength and speed. Though, not equals in skill, apparently. {Idiot!} she chastised herself mentally. {This isn't... quite... Alec. And he's not fighting for fun.} She should have known that he'd define his objective and aim to achieve it as efficiently as possible.

Of the remaining team, Bat reached 494 first, even as Yule hit the ground, and took the expedient route of tackling him at full speed, rolling them both into a nearby car with a painful, muffled thud. The car rocked on its wheels, and burst into the earsplitting sound of a violated car alarm, lights flashing, horn blaring, and siren wailing. Bat froze in shock at the sonic assault, and 494 took full advantage of his surprise by rising and executing a beautiful straight kick to Bat's jaw, throwing him into the next car along the street and adding an all new cacaphony to the existing uproar. 494 turned to face his remaining attackers and froze as the barrel of Mole's shotgun tapped meaningfully against his left temple.

"Rubber bullets, boy." Mole growled softly in his gravelly voice. "I don't want to kill you, but I got no objections to hurting you some." His eyes slid to Yule and Spot. "Or even lots." 494 stood impassively, motionless in his torn shirt and dusty jeans, not even breathing hard as Greb moved up on his side and grabbed his right arm. Kyle gingerly took his left, and Mole nudged him gently with the muzzle of the gun. "Come on, move it."

494 took one step willingly enough, then whirled to his right, stepping into Greb's body while swinging Kyle's arm up and stepping under it. Mole's shotgun bellowed and caught Greb full in the chest with the non-lethal bullet. Greb grunted and slumped to the ground as Mole pumped the reload, and Kyle gave a blurt of shock as he found himself looking down the barrel from milimeters away. 494 pushed Kyle's head down as the shotgun roared again, and the rubber bullet whined harmlessly over Kyle's head, creasing his hair in its passage. 494 used Kyle's back to lever himself into a perfect side kick into Mole's gut, and had just centred himself to finish the desert soldier off with a backhand fist when he felt two tiny piercing pains in his chest and heard the absurdly familiar whine he knew well enough to dread. He had just enough time to lift his head and see the regret on Max's face before the tazer shook his body with its electic dance. He crashed to his knees and fell onto his chest, unconscious. 

Max blew out her breath shakily. "Hard it is."

Mole wobbled to his feet, leaning on the gun like a crutch. Kyle rose slowly, eyes wide. "Jesus." he turned and punched Mole in the chops. "Hey, asshole, even rubber bullets kill when you get shot in the _eye_." 

Mole sat up, rubbing his jaw and chuckling. "Yeah, sorry about that." 

"Jesus." Kyle nudged 494 gently with his toe. "He saved my life, Max. He was fighting us to get away, he shoulda been trying to **_kill_** me, and he still saved my life. Why would he do that?"

"Because you're part of the family, Kyle. And Alec doesn't kill family." Max's eyes were alight as Yule and Spot groaned as they started to come around. "Alec's still in there. Now we just have to convince him to come out and play."

* * *


	8. Control

Learning of Alec 

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then?

A/N: This scene would only let me write it from 494's POV. So Scarlet gets her wish. =) 

Learning of Alec - Chapter 8.

- infie 

* * *

RECAP

_**(Sunday)**_

"Jesus." Kyle nudged 494 gently with his toe. "He saved my life, Max. He was fighting us to get away, he shoulda been trying to _kill_ me, and he still saved my life. Why would he do that?"

"Because you're part of the family, Kyle. And Alec doesn't kill family." Max's eyes were alight as Yule and Spot groaned, starting to come around. "Alec's still in there. Now we just have to convince him to come out and play."

* * *

**_(Monday)_**

494 awoke in a cage.

He recognized it immediately. 

He _hated_ it immediately, with a bone deep revulsion. Hated it **_passionately._**

_{Someone is going to fucking die for this.} _

He lay perfectly still, not twitching, not opening his eyes, barely breathing. His nostrils flared ever so slightly as he tasted the all too familiar scent of metal alloy all around him. He concentrated grimly, and felt the soft weight of his clothes still on his body. _{Better than Uzbekistan,}_ he thought calmly, _{though worse would have been a trick.}_ There was softness under his cheek, a pillow, he surmised. He shifted his chin minutely, and didn't feel the ridge of leather that would have indicated the presence of his jacket. _ {No coat.}_ he assessed impassively. _{No weapons.}_ His feet felt light. _{No boots.}_ He carefully flexed each muscle separately, testing for battle damage. His pecs and abs protested fiercely, the pain a product of the muscle spasms brought on by the taser bolts. His mind supplied the details of his capture and he was hard-pressed to keep his focus steady as the fury of betrayal roiled through him. But his training prevailed, and he fought himself back into control.

_{Fuck, I hate being locked up.}_

Claustrophobia welled up, seeking the forefront of his mind. He fought it back with practiced ease; it wouldn't do to be a cat burglar or assassin afraid of small spaces. _ {This isn't a small space.} _A tiny part of him insisted. _{It's a fucking **cage**.}_ He stomped on the voice.

"Alec." A soft voice rolled over his ears like a caress, sending a familiar thrill through him that he suppressed ruthlessly. "I know you're awake." Max. Her voice came closer, until he could smell her only a few feet away. "What's up, Alec? Cat got your tongue?" Amusement turned her voice into a purr.

The burst of rage caught him by surprise. He rolled to his feet and threw himself at her position, coming up hard against the steel bars demarking the edge of his captivity, and ringing his cheekbone painfully off the metal. He reached through the bars, arm straining, but Max danced backwards, just out of his reach. He pulled his arm back into the cage, breathing heavily, glaring at his captor. His unsuccessful lunge had obtained his secondary objective, though. He now knew those bars were solid, more than he could handle without some alone time to work on them. He made a plan to check each one individually at the first opportunity. He felt a small trickle of blood slide down the plane of his cheek, and raised his hand and wiped his face with the corner of his torn shirt. Max smiled at him mockingly, but he could see the fine lines of strain around her mouth and knew she wasn't as unaffected as she looked. He had smelled the quick scent of startled fear burst from her, and knew, too, that she hadn't expected him to get so close to catching her.

_{Underestimating me again, Max? How unproffessional of you. But predictable.}_

He changed tactics abruptly, spreading his hands in a half shrug and smiling at her earnestly, trying to look as harmless as possible. He slouched slightly to make himself look shorter, less of a threat.

"Come on, Max", he said, radiating sincerity. "Let me out. I'm sure we can work something out."

Max's face twisted with something that looked suspiciously like pain, then settled back into her own version of showing nothing. She took one step closer to the cage. "That would be, well, No."

494 snarled and lunged at her again, snagging her edge of her sleeve this time. He managed to pull her off balance before she twisted away.

"Tut, tut, Alec." Max recovered, a small smile on her face as she turned away to lock the heavy door to the room. "Temper, temper."

494 remained silent, controlling himself, thrusting his anger away as unproductive, smoothing his face into the expressionless mask he had learned to wear before he learned to speak. He took the opportunity to survey his surroundings. 

Terminal City, he deduced, based on the general state of grimy disrepair the walls displayed. The room itself was approximately 8 metres by 8 meters, with a single metal door, and bare of any furniture. A thin blanket lay mussed on the floor a metre from the door of his cage, and he realized that Max must have stayed with him, to be aware of when he woke. The cage occupied the centre of the room, equidistant from all four sides. The steel bars making up the walls of his cage climbed all the way to the ceiling and gleamed with newness in the half-light of the room, which was produced by a single dim bulb high above their heads. _{Custom made, recent.}_ he catalogued darkly. 

_{Fuck, I hate being locked up.}_

His gaze returned to Max.

Max turned back to him, lithe body still clothed in the same snug black jeans and tight black tank top as she'd worn the previous day. _{When she betrayed me.}_ His nostrils flared with the resurgence of anger, and he had to extert conscious effort to not rush the walls of the cage again.

Max examined him closely, approval on her face for some obscure reason. She circled the cage slowly, chewing her lip. He was pleased to see this sign of nervousness. "Why, Alec, you don't seem at all happy to see me."

494 checked out the inside of his cage, letting her see him do it this time. Just surveying the bars made his stomach clench, and he moved restlessly, pacing out the interior in long, feline steps, mirroring Max's movements on the other side. He watched her with absolute, unnerving focus. 

"Max." his voice sounded a little rusty, but it brought her eyes up to meet his. The dust rising from his pants as he paced was making his nose itch. "What the fuck is going on?"

Max spread her hands, a faint smile on her lips. "Such language, Alec."

"Max." he heard anger threading warmly through his voice and paused to take a breath. She arched an eyebrow at him, grinning cockily, seemingly even more pleased than before. "Max, this is not funny." At that, she laughed out loud.

Fury bubbled up to the surface, and he realized that he was showing it again. He punched one of the bars twice in quick succession, making it ring with a mellow gong, and breaking the skin on the knuckles of his right hand. Max jumped at his sudden movement, too fast to see. Blood welled to the surface of his skin and he licked it off, soothing the wound with his tongue. "Max, it's time to let me out of here." His voice shook with the effort of keeping his temper.

_{Fuck, I **hate being locked up**!}_

Max looked at him levelly, and this time he made no attempt to conceal that he was walking the fine edge of control. She nodded, beautiful dark eyes examining him carefully, for what, he couldn't say. Apparently satisfied, she nodded again, decisively this time. "Maybe so." She walked closer to the door, then paused and motioned him to the other side of the cage. "Back away, Alec. I don't want any 'accidents'."

His hands clenched involuntarily, but he backed up until he felt the smooth metal of the bars against his back. Max stepped up to the door, key already in hand. She paused again, assessing him carefully, then blurred the key into the lock and cranked open the door, leaping back to the edge of the room in one smooth motion. Her eyes never left his.

494 hadn't moved. He smirked involuntarily, her obvious caution tweaking his inappropriate sense of humour. He leaned back against the bars of the cage, kicked one foot over the other, crossed his arms over his chest, and relaxed. He looked like he was waiting for the bus. For the first time since he had woken, Max looked annoyed. In fact, Max looked as though she was ready to spit nails. 494 almost laughed.

_{God, she is beautiful when she's mad. Christ knows I get to see it enough.}_

"What's wrong, Alec? Afraid to come out on your own?" Max's voice was taunting, only the barest hint of strain coming through. "Afraid I'm gonna kick your ass?" She stalked towards the door of the cage. "Or, _maybe_ it's just more comfortable for you to be in there all alone. Maybe you don't want out of your little cage at all."

494 glared at her for a long moment, evaluating the likelihood that she would dare come close enough to lock him up again. 

_{This is Max.}_ his inner voice pointed out. _{Of course she would.}_

494 straightened and walked out of the cage.

* * *


	9. The Dance

Learning of Alec 

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then?

A/N: Well, I had intended to move along a bit faster than this, but I've found that, now that I've met 494, I'm reluctant to give him up. (Go figure).

Learning of Alec - Chapter 9. (Rated R - Language)

- infie 

* * *

RECAP

**_(Monday)_**

"What's wrong, Alec? Afraid to come out on your own?" Max's voice was taunting, only the barest hint of strain coming through. "Afraid I'm gonna kick your ass?" She stalked towards the door of the cage. "Or, _maybe_ it's just more comfortable for you to be in there all alone. Maybe you don't want out of your little cage at all."

494 glared at her for a long moment, evaluating the likelihood that she would dare come close enough to lock him up again. 

_{This is Max.}_ his inner voice pointed out darkly. _{Of course she would.}_

494 straightened and walked out of the cage.

* * *

Even as he passed under the clean steel crossbar that defined the edge of his captivity, 494 felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He paused on the far side of the door, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Even the cold floor felt different to his stocking feet on the outside. He shut his eyes, shuddering, and forcibly fought back the desire to explode into real violence. He focussed on Max as she backed carefully away from him, and began stalking her slowly around the outside of the cage. She danced lithely away from him, maintaining her distance by keeping at least one row of bars between them as they circled. He was still darkly, dangerously angry, and it was gratifying for him to see that she was, for once, taking him seriously. _{About goddamned time.}_ He studied her through the bars as she passed them, assessing her as the tension began to ease from her shoulders and she began to move more fluidly. He realized that they had circled the room several times in silence, and that her full lips were beginning to curve in a smile, likely at the absurdity of their slo-mo chase.

_{Are you feeling complacent, Max?}_

As he passed the still open cage door for the tenth time, he reached out one arm, pausing just long enough to slam it shut with all of the impressive strength he could muster. Max jumped like a scalded cat at the reverberating clang that rang deafeningly through their room, and decided wisely to increase the distance between them to fully the other side of the cage. The tension in her stride was back, robbing her of some of her usual grace as she continued to glide sideways around the steel.

"What's wrong, Max? You seem a little... nervous." his voice was soft, full of dark menace. "Is it not so funny anymore?"

"Now, Alec, there's no need to take all of this so personally, you know." Max replied lightly, forcing a smile.

_{Not **personal?**}_

The sheer nerve of her statement froze him in his tracks. Max stopped as well, staring at him challengingly through two sets of steel bars. The dim light from the overhead bulb cast straight shadows on her face, veiling her eyes. "Not personal?" he echoed in disbelief. 

"Of course not, Alec. A good soldier never takes anything personally, right?" Max taunted.

"Betrayal is _always_ personal, Max. No matter whose side you're on." he gritted in reply. The hot glide of rage was back in his throat as he relived the moments after waking, when he had realized that he was locked up. **_Again._** He felt his blood pulse heatedly with a new rush of adrenaline, and involuntarily clenched his hands. 

Max blinked at him innocently. "Isn't that just a little dramatic, Alec? I didn't betray you." she grinned at him with a mischievious glint in her eye. "I did kidnap you, though."

He couldn't contain the simmering anger in stillness any longer, so he contented himself with blurring around the nearest corner of the cage, regaining the extra distance she had managed to put between them when he slammed the door. Max immediately moved away again, returning them to circling the gleaming bars. _{Smart Max.}_ He bared his teeth at her. "I'm still waiting for the 'why' in all of this, Max. Why the _fuck_ did you start this dance? What the hell is your game here?"

_{What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?}_ The unexpectedly painful thought made his eyes sting, and he blinked rapidly to clear them and keep his mind on his objective.

His objective was watching him as closely as he was watching her, and he fought to bring his expression back under control. He didn't know exactly what he revealed, but for an instant her whole face softened, before she plastered that irritating, cocky grin back on her face.

"Why, Alec? Hmmm." she made a happy little humming sound. "Why did I bring you, of all places, here?" Her arm swung wide, gesture encompassing the dingy room, the newly crafted cage. He growled faintly, and she apparently realized that he had reached, once again, the end of his patience. She stopped her circling, and faced him squarely. He approached her slowly, vibrating with the anger he couldn't... quite... suppress.

"Why Alec, it's simple." she said when he was only a couple of meters away. "I needed to get your attention."

The absurdity of it stopped him dead. "You needed to get my _attention?_ _**My attention?**_ Sweet Jesus, Max! Have you ever heard of a fucking _phone_?"

"No, Alec. I mean your full, complete, undivided, attention."

_{Mission fucking accomplished.}_

He glared at her with furious eyes, his focus on her absolute. "Well, congratulations, sweetheart. You sure have it."

* * *


	10. Cages

Learning of Alec 

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then? I have a specific one in mind...

A/N: Okay - embarrassed as I am to admit it, this one actually made me tear up when I wrote it. *blush* I hope it has the same kind of impact for you.

Learning of Alec - Chapter 10.

- infie 

* * *

RECAP

**_(Monday)_**

"Why Alec, it's simple." she said when he was only a couple of meters away. "I needed to get your attention."

The absurdity of it stopped him dead. "You needed to get my _attention?_ _**My attention?**_ Sweet Jesus, Max! Have you ever heard of a fucking _phone_?"

"No, Alec. I mean your full, complete, undivided, attention."

_{Mission fucking accomplished.}_

He glared at her with furious eyes, his focus on her absolute. "Well, congratulations, sweetheart. You sure have it."

* * *

Max sighed heavily. "Look, I've been worried about you."

"Worried about me. Huh." He raised his eyebrows at her. He began padding towards her again, and she returned to backing up. This time there was no cage between them, and he knew he could have her in his hands in a heartbeat. By the look of the rapidly fluttering pulse in the hollow of her throat, Max knew it, too. "I've been _fine_."

Max snorted. "Of _course_ you have." Sarcasm laced her words. "You haven't been to Crash, you haven't been to Terminal City, you haven't slept in days..."

He interrupted her with a pointed look at the pillow still on the floor in the cage. She smirked at him, then tensed up noticeably as her room ran out and her back hit the wall. She stopped moving and held up her hands in mock surrender. He noticed that her black clothes had light coloured smudges of dust all over them, likely from sitting on the floor while he was out.

"Okay, okay," she said, "I see your point, but I don't think unconsciousness brought on by electrocution counts as a 'good night's sleep.'"

_{Why the fuck not? You count kidnapping as a good way to 'get someone's attention'.}_

He continued his approach until he was almost brushing up against her, until he could feel the heat of her body through his clothes. He glared into her dark eyes from only inches away, invading her space and deliberately using his greater height and size to intimidate. The fine hairs on his arms lifted, reacting to her nearness and making his skin tingle.

"Of course it counts, Max." he told her silkily. "That was more hours of sleep in a row than I've had in years. And now I feel so... invigourated. What _ever_ shall I do with all this energy?"

He had meant it to sound menacing, but instead of fear, he saw Max's chocolate eyes flare with a darker, more primitive awareness. He felt a flash of reluctant admiration for her. _{She's not afraid of me at all. Jesus, right now **I'm** afraid of me, for fuck sake.}_

Max licked her lips. "You wouldn't talk to me. I tried for days, and you just blew me off. After the other night..." Max paused, set her jaw stubbornly. "You've been different. Distant. _Beyond_ distant. It freaked me out, and I don't like it. I don't like 'Empty Alec' at all." she shrugged. "So, I decided it was time to take some action."

"Fuck, Max, I just wanted to be _**all right**_! I didn't want to feel like shit anymore." he was shaking with rage. "I didn't want to feel _anything_ anymore! What is so fucking wrong with that? What gives you the right to interfere in my life whenever you feel the need?" he shouted at her, the unmitigated gall of her actions pushing all of his buttons at once, and straining his already frayed control. 

"I care about you, Alec. That gives me the right." Max said, in her arrogant 'end of discussion' tone.

"Max!" he exploded at her, beyond controlling his temper any longer. "You put me in a _**fucking cage**_!" He punctuated the last two words with full force punches into the wall inches beside her head, cracking the cement and making the wall tremble. The knuckles of his abused right hand complained fiercely, and blood smeared the wall where the cuts on his hand had reopened. Max blinked at him as he panted with the force of the emotions whipcracking through him, and laughed with a great, joyful sound. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him fiercely. 

"Alec, Alec, don't you understand? Yes, I put you in a cage." she slipped her hands up his arms and cradled his face between them tenderly. "But I also _Set. You. **Free**._"

He stared at her with a stunned incomprehension so complete that she laughed again.

"You were already in a cage, Alec, one inside your own mind. You shut yourself away into a place where no one could reach you, and nothing could touch you, where you were safe." her voice softened. "Where you would be all right forever. But no one is all right all the time." 

She stepped away from him and waved at the bars gleaming beside them. "_That_ was a prison, because you were in there all alone, against your will, in that little place." She widened her gesture to include the room around them as well. "We're still locked in, Alec, but _this_," she paused, and he saw her swallow hard and blink back tears. "...this is a _refuge_, because we're in it together. I put you in there because I needed to make you angry enough to look outside your walls, so that I could make you _see_. Some cages we make for ourselves, and I had to... I _**needed**_... to break you free."

Alec saw.

He nodded slowly. "You needed to get my attention." he said softly.

"Tough love, Alec, but worth the trouble." she gave him a glowing smile that melted the mountain of his anger away like sugar in the rain. "Could have been worse, you know. After your little damage-fest when we captured you, Mole was all for electrifying the bars."

_{Huh.}_ He thought suspiciously. _{I wonder if Mole's ever been to Uzbekistan...}_ He set the thought aside. 

"Tough love." he echoed her wryly. "Is that what you call this?" His ribs ached, his chest hurt, and his right hand was throbbing in pain with each beat of his pulse.

Max reached up and ran her fingers along the blood crusted injury on his cheekbone with a tenderness that made his breath catch in his chest. "Oh, yes." she said. "That's exactly what it is." she looked into his eyes, her own dark gaze liquid with some undefineable emotion. She drank in the view of him for a moment longer, then raised herself on her tiptoes and kissed him softly, comfortingly.

Alec's eyes closed of their own accord and he leaned into her body, supporting himself with one hand pressed against the wall. She broke the kiss and reclined back against the wall, her hand still resting against his cheek. He lowered his head slowly until his forehead was resting on her shoulder, her cheek pressed against his hair. He took a deep, shaky breath and let it out in a rush of air, releasing the last remnants of his resentment with it. As the anger left him, the pain he had been so ruthlessly suppressing returned relentlessly, and Max's arms came around him as he trembled again.

"Max?" To his own ears, his voice quavered. Max tightened her embrace, and his shoulders slumped as he let go of the wall to get even closer. He nestled his face into her neck, inhaling her warm, comforting scent deeply into his lungs. For the first time in his life, he felt secure, protected... safe.

"I'm here." Max told him, breath hot against his ear. "You're not alone. You're going to be all right." Her voice grew steely. "_Later._ You're going to be all right _later_"

Alec gave a half-laugh that came out more like a sob. "Later." he choked in agreement. A fine trembling began in his hands as he wrapped himself around Max like he was adrift in the ocean and she was the only thing keeping him afloat. The tremble progressed up his arms, and soon his entire body was shuddering with every breath. He felt dampness trickle along the edge of his ear, and realized dimly that Max was crying. Max loosened one hand and began to caress his hair in long, soothing strokes that started at the crown of his head and ended with his barcode. The tenderness inherent in the gesture was the last straw for his precariously balanced control, and he lost his grip. 

Alec's legs buckled and Max caught him he went down, lowering him gently to his knees, mirroring his pose so that they were melded from knees to head. She readjusted her grip on him to allow him to burrow against her even more tightly, the noises of his laboured breathing muffled against her neck. He took a deep breath, and as he let it out the racking sobs came with it.

* * *


	11. Electricty Bites

Learning of Alec 

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then? I have a specific one in mind...

A/N: For the NC-17 version, check out http://nunswithpens.hyperboards.com/ Learning of Alec - Chapter 11 - infie 

* * *

RECAP

**_(Monday)_**

Alec's legs buckled and Max caught him he went down, lowering him gently to his knees, mirroring his pose so that they were melded from knees to head. She readjusted her grip on him to allow him to burrow against her even more tightly, the noises of his laboured breathing muffled against her neck. He took a deep breath, and as he let it out the racking sobs came with it.

* * *

_**(Tuesday)**_

Alec awoke curled up with his head cradled in Max's lap and his arms still encircling her waist as she sat propped against the wall, where she had held him all night. He lay still without opening his eyes, content to breathe in her warm, comforting scent. Her left arm rested along his spine, her fingers idly caressing his barcode. She shifted, giving a soft sigh, and his arms tightened reflexively in protest. Her hand stilled momentarily, then resumed its soothing movements against the edge of his hair.

"Alec?"

"Hmmm?"

"Tell me about Biggs?"

Alec twitched in surprise, and turned over so that he could see her face. Her eyes and the tip of her nose were still a little red, but otherwise she seemed to have recovered from the emotional storm of the previous night. Her hair was mussed, and she looked tired as she gazed at him entreatingly. He blinked at her, then shrugged slightly. "Sure." He wiggled until he found a comfortable position, then stared up at the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling.

"He was in my unit at Manticore," he began. He felt Max's body flex slightly under his head as she nodded. "He was assigned as the second in command. We got along great. He was the practical joker of the group." Alec smiled fondly. "He was probably the one I was closest to, until I was taken out of there." He shot her a quick look, and continued hurriedly. "One of my favourite memories is a training mission when we were really young, like maybe seven years old. The objective was a simple night retrieval; penetrate the enemy team's defensive perimeter, recover the merchandise, and return to base. Biggs decided that the mission profile needed a little jazzing up." Alec laughed out loud. "So he treated all the shower soaps and laundy detergents with luminescent dye. We headed out at midnight, and the entire enemy team glowed in the dark like big-assed 'shoot me' targets. The best part was," he gasped for breath between giggles. "They were glowing _**pink**_." 

Max's lips twitched. "Not a very 'psycho-killer in training' colour." 

Alec snorted. "No, no it wasn't. God, Lydecker had a fit. It didn't help that Biggs had also changed out his toothpaste." he snickered again. "The tight-lipped bastard's teeth were pink for a week!" 

At that, Max laughed out loud. 

"After..." he paused. "After I... left, I didn't see him much. I was released back to the unit a couple of years later, and he was the CO. A good one." he swallowed hard. "The best. He tried to keep me safe, but I bailed as soon as I was cleared for solo duty. He actually threw me a little party to celebrate." 

"He sounds like a good friend." Max said softly. 

"Yeah." Alec cleared his throat. "So, anyway, we hooked up on missions off and on, and I always looked forward to those assignments. He was good company, and he understood, you know, why I liked to work alone. He saved my ass a bunch of times." 

"Oh? A man after my own heart." Max drawled. Alec swatted her leg in gentle reproof. 

"The last time was Uzbekistan." Alec's face closed abruptly, and he sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. "Max, how did you know? About the cage?" 

Max looked confused. "I'm not sure what you mean... When I was at Manticore, they used to punish me by leaving me in this tiny little box, no room to move, for days at a time. Over and over." she shuddered. "I hated it. I've never liked being locked up, even before. I guess... I figured that I'd be mad if someone stuck me behind bars, so it might work for you." 

Alec closed his eyes. "You didn't know." He rose to his feet and started to pace restlessly. "Max, you couldn't have hit on anything more guaranteed to 'get my attention' than a cage." 

"Tell me." Alec hesitated and shook his head. "Please?" 

Alec gave her a long, pained look, then dropped down to sit beside her, propped against the wall. "Biggs and I were on our fourth mission together. I was assigned to aquire a sample of a genetically engineered supervirus from a man named Ashkovich in Uzbekistan. Biggs was assigned as my backup." Alec rubbed his hand across his mouth and heaved a ragged sigh. "The objective was located in a cave site complex, and I spent a week studying the layout and the guard patterns before I felt ready to head in." His mouth compressed. "It was a trap. The intelligence that was fed to Manticore was planted. By a group desperate to get their hands on a nice, juicy transgenic to dissect." A muscle bunched in his jaw. "Me." 

"They caught me by electrifying the duct work, triggered by a heat signature switch." he shook his head at the memory. "Rookie mistake, missing the thermistor probes. In any case, I woke up in a cage. A nice, clean, steel square mesh five by five by four hanging cage. Costeel model 494." Max started. "Oh, believe me, Max, I was not immune to the irony of the situation." he laughed harshly. "I already disliked being locked up. It was used as a punishment tactic back home too often for any of us to be... unaffected. But these guys had tricks that even good old Manticore never came up with. Or, that is, they hadn't _yet_." 

"So there I am, hanging six, maybe seven feet off the ground. Naked. And this guy in a lab coat comes in, introduces himself as Ashkovich, and tells me that they're planning on taking me apart to see how I ticked. I told him to go find himself a fucking watch to play with and let me go." Alec's eyes took on a faraway look. "That's when I found out that the bars were electrified, too." he stopped. 

Max touched his shoulder, eyes wide in horror. Alec patted her hand gently and continued. "So, anyway, I was there for about a week before Biggs could obtain clearance to come in after me. He took a slightly more direct route than I had." suddenly he grinned hugely. "He stole a tank, and drove it right through the outbuildings until he found me. God, what a mess he made of that place. He brought the whole damned complex down right around their ears; took it apart brick by brick until he found me. He got me down, got me dressed, and carried me out." 

"After he put two rounds in the back of Ashkovich's head." Alec bared his teeth in a fierce, pleased grin. 

"Biggs told me that you were his CO." Max commented, after a long silence. 

"Only for a while. Biggs took over in '09." 

"I don't think he agreed with you there." she smiled at him. "He filled me in one night at Crash, after I made some smartass comment. He told me about how he saw you. Trust me on this one, Alec. You were still his CO." 

Alec blinked rapidly, waiting for the fresh wave of grief to subside. "Thanks, Max." 

Max leaned over and hugged him, hard. "Any time." 

Alec rolled himself into a prone position, shamelessly resting his head in Max's lap again. She chuckled and once again began to stroke his hair with one hand, placing the other on his chest. Alec hummed softly in approval, vibrating her fingers pleasantly. "I'm sorry, Alec. If I had known, I'd have come up with something else." 

"S'okay, Max. But, for future reference, I'm not real fond of electricity, either." 

Max's fingers paused in his hair, then trailed delicately across his face, ending at his lips. "How about chemistry?" her voice was a husky whisper. "How do you feel about chemistry?" 

Alec smiled slowly against her fingers. "Chemisty is OK." he said, his own voice silky. "Biology is better." 

Alec grasped her hand and ever so gently took her index finger between his teeth, staring intently into her eyes. He bit her softly, then flicked his tongue against the sensitive tip. Max's eyelids drooped as she reacted to the delicate caress. He then closed his lips around her finger, drawing it into his mouth and running his tongue along the fleshy pads. Max made an inarticulate noise, twisting her body a little, and Alec smelled the scent of arousal begin to seep through her clothes. His own body tightened in response and he growled deep in his throat, sucking another finger between his teeth to give it the same attention as the first. 

"Oh!" Max gave an incredibly erotic little moan as he nipped the pad of her thumb. "Yeah, I think biology is definitely the way to go." 

_Max and Alec get busy._

* * *


	12. Refuge Conclusion

Learning of Alec 

Disclaimer - If they follow me home, can I keep them? er.. Just one, then? How about if I hide him under my bed?

A/N: The M/L bits of Freak Nation **_never happened_**. *mutter* *grumble* Learning of Alec - Chapter 12 - Conclusion. - infie 

* * *

Alec curled his arm around Max tightly, snugging her against the length of his body as they lay on their sides, facing each other. He reached across with his other hand and grabbed his shirt up off the floor, twitching it so that it covered her bare shoulders and back. She hummed contentedly against his chest and cuddled closer. 

"You know, 494 is still in here." he broke the silence tentatively, tapping a finger against his temple.

"I know." Max said softly.

"Aren't you worried? Aren't you afraid?"

Max idly drew caduceus designs on his chest. "No." Her tone brooked no argument.

"Uh huh."

Max heaved a sigh, and pushed herself up on one elbow so she could look him in the eyes. "Alec, of course 494 is still in there. He's you. You're him. There's no difference. That's part of the point." she placed her fingers against his lips quellingly when he would have interrupted. "Shutting off your emotions is a skill, Alec; one we both know you'll need again. It lets you get the job done. It's as much a skill as shooting straight, or playing the piano." she gave a mischievious look. "Or making love well. It's a part of who you are. And I could never be afraid of that."

"Because you'd kick my ass?" he gave her a smile, but the intent look in his eyes belied his apparently carefree demeanour.

"Hardly. I think your little display with our crack kidnapping team has fixed that small misconception. I can only imagine what you'd do if you were _really_ trying." she replied wryly. "No. It's because _I know_ that you would never hurt me. Never." Alec blinked at the vehemence in her tone. "You refused orders to get me pregnant. You lied to Renfro to protect me. You led those kids to rescue me from White. You had a _bomb_ in your head, and you chose to die rather than kill me." Max paused, looking away from his serious hazel gaze. "Biggs reminded me, a couple of weeks ago. What you'd been willing to give up to keep me safe. When you saved Kyle the other day rather than let him get killed, even accidentally, it just confirmed it for me."

"I could have been lulling you into a false sense of security." 

Max just looked at him. 

Alec raised his hand and touched her cheek. "No. I could never hurt you."

Max covered his hand with her own. "No." She smiled at him tremulously. "Now you just need to remember that tuning out is an area of expertise, not a lifestyle. Being like that, 24-7, just isn't healthy. After a while it'd make you..." she stopped abruptly.

_{Ben,}_ his mind supplied unhelpfully. _{It'd make you... Ben.}_ He swallowed hard. Max smiled at him gently, and he knew that she knew what he was thinking. Suddenly she smiled at him. 

"Alec", she said softly. "Whatever you are to me..." she leaned forward and nipped his earlobe with her teeth. "You are **_not_** my brother." 

Alec grinned back at her, relief at her acceptance of the darker parts of his nature reflected clearly in his eyes. _{Amen to that.}_ "A skill, huh? I'll keep that in mind."

Max stretched briefly, sitting up and arching her back. Suddenly she pounced, rolling Alec the rest of the way onto his back. She ending up laying along his body with her legs straddling his hips, her arms braced on either side of his head. She moved until her lips were so close to his that she could feel their heat. 

"Any other skills you'd like to practice?" she breathed against his mouth. 

* * *

Hours later, Alec awoke to the sound of his stomach grumbling. _{Christ, I can't remember the last time I slept so much.}_ He yawned and stretched hugely, opening his eyes to see Max standing over him, fully dressed. He moaned in mock disappointment, and she dropped the pile of his clothes on his head. 

"Come on, hot boy. Get up." she told him. He shrugged and slid into his pants, then looked at the tatters of his much the worse for wear shirt and tossed it behind him. He raised his eyebrows at Max. 

"Hot boy?" 

Max grinned at him. "It's what Original Cindy calls you." 

"See, _now_ I'm flattered." 

"Huh." Max preceeded him to the metal door, pulling out the key as she went. "Come on, Alec. I'm hungry!" 

Alec trailed his fingers down her arm. "Max?" 

"Yeah?" she turned at the question in his tone, and her face softened as she saw the uncertainty in his expression. "Really, Alec. I'm hungry. I'm ready to get back into the world. But you're coming with me." 

Alec let out the breath he had been holding and nodded. "Let's go. I'm starving." 

Max unlocked the door and opened it, revealing one of the hallways in HQ. A hallway that was currently full of prone, snoring bodies. Max grinned in delight as she recognized the members of Alec's squad, plus Joshua, Mole, Kyle. Logan was propped against Mole, a picture she was sure she would never be able to eliminate from her psyche. Even Spot was there, cervical collar comical against the spotted leopard fur. Yule was there too, asleep sitting up. The tightly wound bandage around his midsection revealed the reason for his stiffly upright position, and Max grinned as Alec made a small, embarrassed noise. "Hmmm... I thought I felt a couple of ribs break. Oops." 

At the sound of his voice, Joshua sat straight up. "Alec!" he shouted happily, startling the rest of the waiting group awake. They all came jumped to their feet like the floor had become electrified, staring at him wide-eyed. Ruthlessly he suppressed the almost overwhelming desire to flick his fingers and yell 'Boo!' 

"Hey, Josh." he said instead, into the silence. "What's shaking?" 

The hallway erupted into a pandemonium of welcome. CeCe launched herself at him from three steps away, wrapping him in an ecstatic hug and planting a kiss. He grinned involuntarily, staggering backwards and returning her embrace with enthusiasm. The rest of the group mobbed him delightedly, pounding his back and hugging him. Finally, after a few minutes the furor died down enough for Alec to catch his breath. 

"Uh, not that I'm not thrilled and all, but what's up?" he asked quizzically. "It's not like I just brought back your favourite TV show or anything." 

"Geeze, Alec, its nothing like that." Dix chattered excitedly. "We just figured you'd come out mad as hell and ready to take the place apart, and then we'd have to try and stop you, and a lot of us'd get hurt..." he glanced at Spot and Yule quickly, "So we're just happy we don't have to kill you!" 

Alec raised an eyebrow and eyed the group warily, noticing the weaponry each person carried. 

_{Not fucking likely.}_ He gave a small, private smile. 

"Uh. Huh." he shrugged. "Well, when you put it that way, who wouldn't be flattered?"

* * *

_**{Friday - Terminal City}**_

The night air slid with silky, humid grace across the rooftop of HQ, ruffling Alec's hair as he gazed alone out over Terminal City. The full moon bathed him in pale light, highlighting his hair with splinters of silver and reflecting in his eyes, lightening their colour to a pale, fiery shade. His shirt was torn and bloody where the bullet had violated his arm, and the newest bruise on his left cheekbone stood out in stark relief against his pale skin. Each movement made him flinch ever so slightly in pain.

Max watched him from the doorway to the roof, noting the rigidness of his stance and the stiffness of his movements as he idly brushed some of the dirt off his pants. She made a small noise and he spun around, dropping into a defensive stance. He relaxed as he saw it was her, his whole face alight with his smile of delight. Max thought he'd never looked so precious. He held out his hand to her, and she crossed the roof with long steps to take it.

His fingers felt warm and welcoming in hers, and he pulled her close, tucking her against his side as he returned to looking out over the buildings surrounding them. "You did a good job tonight," he told her sincerely. "It's not easy to lead people like us." 

"Professional soldiers who have spent their entire lives taking orders? Yeah. That's a real stretch."

"_Ex_-professional soldiers whose very nature is telling them to split up, run and go to ground." his voice rolled with his amusement. "You have their respect, Max. You touched them. Good job." 

Max thought of her impassioned speech to the transgenics after the police had bailed. Her eyes had sought Alec's in the crowd, and even before he raised his hand, the wryly crooked smile on his lips had told her everything she needed to know. His squadmates had followed his lead, and the rest had followed them. Followed _her_. She hugged Alec's waist tightly, and felt his arm tighten in response. Her hair blew loosely in the breeze, tickling his face and catching ever so slightly in his stubble.

"I'm sorry about CeCe." she said softly.

"Me too." Grief clouded his face. "I'll be all right, though. Later." They stood in silence.

Finally Alec roused himself and sighed, gesturing at the siege fires already beginning to burn. "They think they have us boxed in." he commented idly.

Max laughed. "It's only a prison if we let it be." 

Alec turned his head and looked at her with serious eyes. "Terminal City is not a prison, Max. We're in it together." 

Max raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him.

"Yes," she said. "We are."

_**{END}**_

* * *

A/N#1: I had a great time writing this fic, largely because of all the very generous feedback I received. Many grateful thanks to all of the folks who spent so much time reading and reviewing! Extra hugs go to everyone who reviewed more than once. 

A/N#2: A "gee, thanks" to scarlet for inflicting the whole Mole/Logan bug on me. *hrmn* Now everytime I think of Logan, I have an irresistable desire to have Mole making suggestive comments... 


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